Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

Fagerstrom, Karen, Ph.D.; Thompson, Peggy, Ph.D, and Nurse, A. Rodney, Ph.D. Divorce: A Problem to be Solved, Not a Battle to be Fought ABPP ($14.95)

Fisher, Roger; Ury, William; Patton, Bruce  Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (1991,Penguin)

Mnookin, Robert, Beyond Winning (2000, Harvard University Press) 

Ousky, Ron and Webb, Stuart, The Collaborative Way to Divorce : The Revolutionary Method that Results in Less Stress, Lower Costs, and Happier Kids--Without Going to Court   Hudson Street Press, 2006.

Stone, Douglas; Patton, Bruce; Heen, Sheila (Harvard Negotiation Project)  Difficult Conversations, How to Discuss What Matters Most (1999, Viking Press)

Tannen, Deborah, The Culture: Moving From Debate to Dialogue.   House, 1998 ($25.00) 304 pp.

Tannen, Deborah, You Just Don't Understand    Ballentine Books, 1991 $12.60) 330 pp. 

Tesler, Pauline and Thompson, Peggy, Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move On With Your Life  ReganBooks/Harper Collins, 2006 .

Ury, William L., Jeanne M., and Golberg, Stephen B., Getting Resolved, Designing Systems to Cut the Costs of Conflict (1988)

Ury, William L., Getting Past No, Negotiating Your Way From Confrontation to (1993, Bantam, Doubleday Dell Pub.)

Ury, William L., Getting to Yes (see above under Fisher)

Wilson, Carol Ann, The Guide to Divorce Settlement

Wilson, Carol Ann, The Survival Manual for Women in Divorce

Wilson, Carol Ann, The Survival Manual for Men in Divorce

Wilson, Carol Ann, The Dollars & Sense of Divorce

Glossary of terms:

MEDIATION– A very informal processin which parties to a dispute try to negotiate a settlement with the help of an independent, trained dispute resolution expert, the mediator. Mediators are typically trained to help parties understand each other’s positions by getting to the underlying motives and circumstances giving rise to those positions. Mediators do not make decisions for parties. Rather, Mediators help parties forge their own mutual decisions. Mediation has become popular in the world of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) because mediation helps people resolve issues through communication and understanding, which process leads to lasting results. Lawyers or other advocates are frequently involved in a mediation. Family Mediators can often help couples settle their issues quickly & inexpensively. Learn more at www.sammargulies.com

ARBITRATION – An informal proceeding in which a person (often and expert or a retired Judge) hears the facts of both sides to a disagreement and makes a decision. Unlike a formal court hearing, Arbitration is scheduled by the participants rather than the court system, and thus can be set up and finished much more rapidly than a court hearing. Arbitration is similar to court in that each party makes an argument and presents evidence, but the rules can be more flexible than in a formal court hearing.

LITIGATION – The formalized process in which a lawsuit is filed in the State or Federal court system. Each party or his/her lawyer submits arguments and evidence to a Judge. Then the Judge makes a binding decision, which takes the form of a Judgment or an Order.

ABSOLUTE DIVORCE – Has one basic ground in North Carolina: One year of separation. Absolute Divorce is the one issue in marital dissolution required to be handled in a court proceeding (in other words, at the very end of the collaborative process, a simple lawsuit must be filed and served.). See Judgment. See N.C. Gen. Stat. § 50-6

JUDGMENT – Though the collaborative process is handled out of court, Divorce Judgments must be handed down by a Judge. The Judgment is the document that declares you are divorced in the eyes of the law.

EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION – This is the name given by the N.C. legislature to the process of dividing up the marital property. See the statute: N.C. Gen. Stat. § 50-20

COLLABORATIVE AGREEMENT – A contract signed by the attorneys and the clients in which all parties agree to end their marriage and related issues out of court. See a sample Collaborative Agreement.